Today was my first day home alone. My parents left at 4:30am and Jared had to work a full day. I cried when my parents left...cried in the afternoon when Jared came home for lunch and cried tonight....I chalk it up to hormones!!! I have exactly what we prayed for, a healthy little girl that i get to spend my days with...but its different than I thought it would be. Not better, not worse, just different.
Its hard living your life in three hour increments. Trying to get everything done (housework, sleep, etc) within that time frame. I realized today that I can't be "perfect" like I want to be and that I have to let dishes sit in the sink or laundry wait until Jared gets home so I can get rest and take care of myself. But its hard when I want so badly to be able to do it all myself. And i get so scared and apprehensive at night...is Jayne going to sleep tonight or be awake for hours? I start thinking about it in early afternoon and basically have a panic attack. I know I'm stronger than this and I'm over-thinking everything and trying too hard. I want so badly to just enjoy this time b/c I know it will go by so fast and I'll miss this time with her.
Please be praying for my sanity and for me to relax and enjoy this time with our sweet baby Jayne. We'll blink and this time will be over and we will reflect on what it was like, but sometimes its hard to see past the sleepless nights or crying spells.
- T -
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