Tuesday Ramblings-Contentment

Do you ever have those times when you feel God speaking shouting at you? I've had that week. I've had four unrelated conversations with people about the same thing and its like "I hear you God...I get it." And I don't mean that in a disrespectful way. I mean, I GET IT. I understand what He is trying to get me to think about and listen to and realize and reflect on in my life this week. Contentment...

I'v been restless in my life lately and not content. Not dissatisfied by any means, just not content with what I have been blessed with. And I've been slapped in the face with my weakness.

We went through a 13 week Dave Ramsey Financial Peace course this past fall/winter which changed our lives. It is amazing y'all. Seriously changed the way we look at our money and manage our finances. But its tough. Dave's motto "Live like no one else, so you can LIVE like no one else" (meaning scrimp and save now, pay off debt so you can live freely and not worry about money when you retire, ect). But its hard. Its hard knowing you are doing the right thing by your family and for your future, but having to say no to those urges to spend and not do "fun" stuff now. We used to just say "yes" and put it on the credit card and have the "we'll pay it off later" mentality. Which usually bit us in the butt later b/c it all snowballed until we were forever trying to "pay it off later". The little stuff adds up over time. Now, we can still do fun stuff, but maybe not until next month or in a couple months once we've saved up a bit. (I can see my dad smiling b/c we're being responsible...Hi daddy!!) But...the little kid in us still wants it NOW...(flashback to Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory). And Jared & I have to hold each other responsible to our end goal...not letting money manage us...but us telling our money where to go. Its a job and I manage our budget and finances daily (for those of you who have taken the class...I'm the Nerd, Jared's the Free spirit. ugh!!) Lol...it really has been freeing and we are being responsible for our actions and to our family and that is such a great feeling.

I've always wanted a van. I drove a van for a bit in high school (poop brown I might add... disgusting!) But I always knew I wanted one when I had kids. We've always been the type to rotate cars out and get new ones every 3-4 years. We even went online and "built" our dream one. Enter the above plan and that doesn't happen anymore. Very blessed to have my current vehicle paid off...but seeing others get new vehicles makes me see green with envy. (I'm showing you all my yucky side and what I struggle with...envy, the opposite of contentment). I'm currently in the itchy palmed-I-NEED-a-new-car stage and I'm trying very hard not to be...nor are we in a situation where we truly NEED a new car (thankfully).

When we were first married we said we wanted four or five kids. BUT, we always said we'd take it one at a time. And there was a time when we thought we may never have kids or conceive on our own. As it was, it took us nearly three years and fertility drugs to get pregnant with Miss Jayne. Then Miss S happened on the first month of "not-really-trying-lets-see-what-happens". So it only goes to prove, again, God is always in control. Now I'm in the throws of "should we try for a third or not". I'm searching my heart to make sure its for the right reasons. I admit I am currently surrounded by preggo ladies... serious baby boom going on. So, am I feeling this way b/c a) my baby is about to turn two and is technically no longer a "baby? or b)I feel like I should or need to b/c every one else seems to be on their third or fourth or c)is it b/c my parents always wished they tried for a third? I don't want to regret not going for it when you cant turn back the clock on this one!! Our other issue is one of us is 100% sure he's done and our family is complete and the other just isn't sure...so stalemate. We've agreed to not discuss it with each other until spring and then see where our hearts are. So I'm praying for God to show both of us which direction is best for our family. Obviously we both need to be on the same page...this is kinda important ;) And lets be honest...these two girls are keeping me on my toes and I'm exhausted by the end of the day, only to do it all over again the next day. And Miss S is a fireball. We thought Jayne was independent, whew. Savannah is triple what Jayne was ;) But as I tell Jared, in a year from now our lives will be completely different with a 4 year old and 3 year old...I think we could handle a newborn then...now not so much ;)

I've always been a "the busier the better" kind of person. In college I petitioned the dean to take more than the maximum allowed credits in one quarter. Which they allowed and I think that was my best quarter to date. When I have a to do list that I can check things off of, I stay focused and my life is in order and all is right in my world (do you think I have a problem??!!). Buuut, I have been told by my ever loving husband that I am too busy and have too much on my plate. (he's judging by how crazy our December was...but isn't everyone's Decembers crazy?? Please tell me its not just me??) So my goal this year is to say no to things and be intentional with my time and my relationships and to cut down on the busy "fillers" in my life. I need to enjoy down time with my girls and to just "be". This is going to be hard for me. I know I don't have to do everything and be a part of everything. Deep down, I KNOW this, but there is a part of me that wants to be a part of everything and invited to everything. I have certain things that are important for the girls (school, church, gymnastics), for me (MOPS, craft club, Bible Study, friends) but I have to be choosey regarding what activities we do ect. I've already tried to have 1-2 days a week where we just stay home, usually in our pjs all day and play and not do play dates or errands etc.

All that to say...when I read this from two different people and had two separate conversations with people regarding contentment (I love when God uses others in unrelated circumstances to speak the same truth to me over and over again). It hit me...God is trying to tell me to be content where HE has us and with what HE has blessed us with. And that's when we draw nearer to HIM. There is a ministry called Proverbs 31 and yesterdays devotion was called "The Joneses Are Overrated" You can read the whole text here...

http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/joneses-are-overrated-2013-02/

But what I got out of it was this...

The Greek word rendered "content" here denotes more than just a throwing up of arms in reluctant acceptance. At its hub it literally means: "to be satisfied to the point where I am no longer disturbed or disquieted.

When we adopt this attitude, we live out the truth I once heard author Elisabeth Elliot declare: "The difference is Christ in me. Not me in a different set of circumstances."

To truly embrace our circumstances, we must decide to stop pleading, "God, get me out of here!" and learn to humbly ask instead, "Lord, why have You brought me here? What are You trying to reveal to me that I would never discover if You were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation? What godly character qualities are You trying to grow in me? Patience? Trust? Faith? Compassion?"

When we cease making comparisons and instead willingly embrace our current lot in life, welcoming all that God will teach us through it, we will finally unearth the secret Paul knew. True contentment is not merely having what you want, it is wanting nothing more than what you already have.

Especially in today's society, I feel like we are constantly slapped in the face with someone doing better than us or having more than. But honestly, if we were truly content in our lives...in ourselves...would it really matter what we read or saw? No b/c we would want nothing more than what we already have. When my kids are driving my crazy and I want to pull my hair out or call in reinforcements ..can I not sit and pray and thank God for the patience HE is building in me?? Or when I envy the new car a friend has can I not look at the car I am driving that is paid off and be grateful that we don't have a car payment or that we have two cars for that matter when so many others don't? Or when we groan b/c money is tight this month and we cant do or buy something we want...can we not look at the future we are building for our family and trust the path God is leading us to follow to be debt free?? Or when we complain b/c we are eating frozen pizza again this week that we can be grateful for the food on our table and have compassion towards others who have nothing?? You get the idea.

Y'all this is easier said than done...this is a mind altering way of thinking about things. This will take accountability partners to help when they see you become "green with envy". People to help remind you that you too are blessed with what you have...even if its not a new car or a million bucks. Everyone has a different set of circumstances and we cannot compare ourselves to others. Even though it may look good outwardly...its inward that matters most. Its God that matters most. Set your sites on HIM and HIS plan in your life. That is the truth I am clinging to in this season of life.